Don't Rain On My (Solitary) Parade

My mom: "Hey why don't you play at the piano recital next week-you're amazing and you could show off your mad skills!"
Me:     "Um, no, I don't think so."
My mom: "Why not? You're great at playing piano."
Me:     "I just...I really don't want to play in front of a lot of people."
My mom:  "Really? Positive?"
Me:     "Yeah, not this time."
My mom:  "Well, maybe next year, ok?"

Mothers always know best, don't they? In my case, my extroverted mom has always seemed to know just how to parent an introverted child like me. She seemed to always be able to read my body language (or my mind) and figure out how to guide me best.

Now, as you may be wondering, what are some other beneficial courses of action (or non-action) parents might want to take for their introverted child?

According to Susan Cain's Ten Tips for Parenting an Introverted Child, parents should: treasure the child for who s/he is, cultivate the child's passions, gradually expose her/him to new places and people if s/he are reluctant to do so, teach her/him to stand up for herself/himself, respect a child's desire for time and space to play alone, and not let your child hear you label her/him as "shy." Similarly, Milan and Kay Yerkovich mention that parents need to: not overschedule, allow transition time, not allow extroverted family members to talk over the introverted child, have regular in-depth conversations with the child, give the child space, encourage the child, and adapt certain situations in favor of your child's preferences.


From around the time I entered elementary school, my mother became aware that I'm inclined to do solitary activities like art and had an inclination towards playing music. She cultivated my current passion by having me learn how to play the piano, something I became fairly proficient at playing. I tried sports and other group activities (summer camp, etc.), but those pursuits never really seemed to light my fire. My mother never pushed me outside of my limits in this way; she merely had me try a myriad of things and then respected my desire for alone time.

 She also encouraged me to stand up for myself when others around me called me "timid", "quiet", and "shy". As I've gotten older, I become much more vocal when standing up for myself and not being seen as a doormat. Even though my mother helped guide me through the land of introversion, she never once labeled me as others have. She really does seem to respect and treasure the way I am.

“Ask your child for information in a gentle, nonjudgmental way, with specific, clear questions. Instead of “How was your day?” try “What did you do in math class today?” Instead of “Do you like your teacher?” ask “What do you like about your teacher?” Or “What do you not like so much?” Let her take her time to answer. Try to avoid asking, in the overly bright voice of parents everywhere, “Did you have fun in school today?!” She’ll sense how important it is that the answer be yes.”
― Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking